In a Flash

I remember my childhood days, 

that comfort i felt in my skin nothing could ever make me feel sad for long, i cried, i laughed, even fell and got scarred but i was never sad. 

Those moments of school, enjoying every single lecture as if it was something new to do, something innovative and then afterwards coming home whether it be by bus, rickshaw or a van. 

Those adolescent feelings of rage at everything and everyone and teenage fury of being unable to control my circumstances or even a small thing that i would take for granted every time nowadays. 

That time all alone where i would sit and think about things that needed to be explored, places i would go to enjoy rain or maybe become an astronaut and go to space, those daydreaming sessions had me in splits of all the things i could do. 

I can now clearly remember the mouldy smell of a home which had been abandoned for a long time until we moved in, that distinct smell it had and the beauty of the mulberry tree that had grown in front of it. 

The shed i used to play in when it wasn't in use or the time when fog would envelop the entire city and heat from the furnace was the only way out. 

No electricity, no internet, no friends, sometimes all alone but happy still. 

I remember my time in the big city, making new friends, enjoying things i could never have done anywhere else and trying to wrap my mind around how quiet it is over here. 

The dead feeling in everyone's eyes, judging, brooding, even scoffing at the thought of interacting with a stranger. 

I could have cared less for it, if i must say. 

Now, i remember places i spent the most beautiful time of my life and more recent adventures (for me at least). 

Going to college and experencing everything all over again. 

That feeling of comfort around my friends, that nausea around people i hated. 

That beautiful feeling of love and care around you, that someone special people crave to find i already did, it is you ,always has been you, i was just too ignorant to notice. 

I no longer feel envious, i have nothing to regret, no life choices i would change if i have to do it all over again.

I remember everything now, and yeah i also don't hate anybody, for now, i am at peace and i know my life means something for me as it might have for everybody i came in contact with. 

I am self aware now, i can feel even the force of breath into my lungs and my blood coursing through my veins, my skin feeling so very little change in air pressure and temperature.

I can't describe this feeling , it's something euphoric maybe i have lived my life for this moment alone.

Who knows i remember everything and i still can't remember a time thinking about this moment.

Time, something I don't think i have enough of.